LIstening to my class go on consitantly about life, i'm still stuck on the problems at home. I hate having my parents completely unsupportive and just un... attentive. I have recieved some grand honors lately and I've just been knocked down by them for it lately. Its an absolute disaster. Then the whole thing with Lancelot, who is now trying to talk to me. Such a burden on my life. Totally not going to be emo and worry about my troubles. hopefully my spanish cutie wil help. love.

Its so amazing how the world can be opened up for mulitple uses and so much is still available to anyone it seems but we still opress ourselves. I'm not in denial that people are restricted by outside sources, which have we have no power over. THe weather, government (technically we have the power to change that but usually lack motovation, will or the knowledge to do so), friends and family can all be hinderances. Still it;s the own self esteem and loathing that can restrict me and other associates to this self hatred. Why is it that people can love me, people all around me that remind me of their empowering love EVERYDAy, yet i can not find compassion for myself? Even when i have had a lover, someone who cared deeply for me and I for him, fight me about loving Me? Help.

Following the trailing stars across what I see as my life, funny how they can come and then fall forward. I had him within my grasp, to only have him slip so far away. Writing my requien and turing it into English for a Paper, amazing how I can only wish that he would understand how I saw the world. Life. totally. have my own jazz with other people. Blonds do have more fun, but the spanish are interesting.

Every moment in life seems to be a dance, where each event is a twirl or a shuffle. Sometimes I have a partner to dip me and then cast me aside and bring me in. Other times I don't have such a partner. I'm looking at a beautiful candidate but I don't wish to push at all so I linger on the wall for that dance. Lately I've been staying after with some really awesome guys for our school performance of Cyrano. So many awesome parts of that play, they are magnificent! Last few I've mentioned a knight but he truely just a gentleman that had my heart at interest, with a few of his own. But everything is okay now.

Today is just another day but i wanted to actually catch up. Lately the one guy that had been helping me through a rough turf just really was a huge jerk and i'm no longer talking to him. Thats one reason why im so really happy that this is a new semester. that and i have some interesting classes. I'm just waiting to actually act in theatre and to create things for marketing. yeah. -Jello (title means imagination)